No, I’m not making that promise again
Nothing can change my mind
Nothing at all
’cause love has a way of comin’ undone
’till I’m all alone with my heart
And here I’ll stayAnd I always thought I’d see you again
Oh how it hurts, every time you’ve crossed my heart since then
Gonna give it all it takes
To hold what might have been,
But I always thought I’d see you againNow there’s no reason to run for the phone
No need to hold my breath
Hopin’ it’s you
Each time I see someone we used to know
Or go some place we used to go
It’s not the same’cause I always thought I’d see you again
‘oh how it hurts every time
You’ve crossed my heart since then
Gonna give up all it takes
To hold what might have beencause I always thought I’d see you again
Love doesn’t come when you need love
It’s not always there when you fall
Try as you may, you got nothin’ to say
Nothing at allI always thought I’d see you again
Oh how it hurts every time
You’ve crossed my heart again
Gotta give it all it takes
To hold what might have been
Cause I always thought I’d see you again
Cause I always thought I’d see you again
Again
AgainI Always Thought I’d See You Again: Tiffany
I finally put this song on my mp3 player. I can’t find it on CD anywhere that I have looked, so I am happy to have it on mp3. It’s kind of a sad song, but lately I have been kind of sad. It is just crazy. I didn’t get any sleep last night at all. I was watching a Jane Austen movie : Persuasion. I relate more personally to this as far as the relationships part. Even though I relate more to Elizabeth of Pride and Prejudice over all. But Now I can relate to Anne. She still has feelings for Wentworth and she is trying to be true to herself. Family aside she is finally sure that her feelings are that of a woman in love. Finally that scheming Socialite needs to be smacked across the head with something like a bat. I find myself cheering for Anne as though I am at a baseball game and she is trying to get to home plate and she is caught between the catcher: Wentworth’s unknown feelings and possible rejection, and the the third basemen: her family’s persuasion/friends persuasion and other obstacles that could pull her apart from Wentworth forever. I keep thinking if she could only slide home “safe in Wentworth’s heart again, everything will be all better. I am now reading the book.
But aside from that I felt like crying all day. and so I could only watch part of Persuasion… Before trying to watch the movie though. I was reading a manhwa (like a manga only in the Korean stylization) called He’s Dedicated to Roses, by Hwang Mi-ri. It is a good story. I love reading all genres of books and it is going into my favorites list. I rarely find a manhwa that I like this much. But I suppose like any good book that becomes one of my favorites, I have to search through a ton of stories that, though I enjoy them, I rarely want to read more than once, until I find one or two that are some of the best that I have read. However there is a downside. I stayed up until 5am, and I cried through part of it. But it has a good ending to it. So apart form my grandmother getting up three or four times last night, trying to turn off the computer screen only to find me still reading, it was sort of uneventful. I am in a lonely/sad mood for some reason I don’t know why though…. Gonna find a show to watch or something. Maybe kimi ni todoke has been updated.
Much love and hugs, And HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Okay, it is Sunday the 22nd. I was so busy I didn’t know where my head was at. LOL such as the song. Anyways, the youth pastor put me in charge of the Bake sale and so I had to remember about cheesecakes, carrying my class stuff, balancing an extra large pan of Brownies while accepting the handshake and announcement papers, all the while I am carrying my brother’s extra fluffy jacket and black bag filled with shampoo and stuff that he left at the house after staying on Friday. This wouldn’t have been a problem except I was waylaid in the hallway and told that two of my students were already waiting on me and their grandmother was about to leave them with me. So I asked Kim if she would take them upstairs since she was going anyways and told them that I had to set the bake sale table up. So then Jess gets me a table and I set stuff up and go upstairs only to find that two more students are already their and their dad was waiting on me. The other two students were nowhere to be seen and then they made their grand entrance, along with Matthew, and Katelee. My two regulars. And to think all this time I was only able to leave the brownies at the table. My brother wasn’t there until after Sunday school was over and I stopped him in the hall and gave it to him. It wouldn’t be so bad but I just could not fall asleep at all last night.
After church I went with Jess her parents and brother-in-law, Kim and Jess’s daughter and went to Salas’ its a local Mexican restaurant. It is good. And the owner goes to our church.
At play practice it was too funny, and we were all kinda stunned. One of the chick’s in the church asked the one playing the part of her mother in the play why they didn’t have a father, and the one playing the mother shouted out that she was a slut. LOL We where all like WAaaa….. So that threw half of us off. LOL but it was funny. Anyways, wow… sleep deprivation strikes again! lol.
So that One guy I was talking about said I love you girl, to me the other day and I want to be all or really was that like a rhetorical statement, or were you expecting an answer???? It is just one of those times I suppose when I think about him and then things remind me of him or someone else brings him up or he talks to me etc. He is my friend so I can’t be all like stay away ya freak! lol so yeah.
Anyways night all I am off to bed,
Much love and Hugs!
You cannot even believe the long week I have had. It was a complete crazy train of chaos, anger, stress and a bitter struggle to find my voice when I am being attacked….. You know how people start talking to you and then they walk away while your still talking to them…. People do that to me a lot. It is crazy I am like Hello I was trying to converse with you. And then there is the people that don’t really care they will act like they are listening but then they won’t respond at all. I am not socially awkward, at least not until now.
I feel like I am flung down the rabbit hole, and now Alice needs to find a best friend who actually cares. Around here though I don’t seem to find much of anyone. It annoys me cuz I am like “okay I totally listened to all the crap you just said and now you turn and walk away not caring to give me the same kind of courtesy I bestowed upon you. “
I feel beat down like chains are keeping me from holding my head high in the carefree sense that I normally have. Like I have someone right next to me that will trip me and kick me when I am down, just when I start going, taking two steps forward and six steps back.
To put it bluntly I am in a game of monopoly where everyone else is winning and I am constantly landing on the go to jail space. “Go to jail. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.”
Augh! I hate this feeling! Stress I hate stress!
I am, however working on my story. Eliora has almost nine pages (notebook paper at least) of story that will be added soon enough. Maybe more…
I would love to get it published, not just ebook published either. Though I have nothing against ebooks, I just have a lot of drive for paperback at least. It is different from my normal stories, but I think with a little polish my little gem will shine. It would be nice to have some feedback on it. I can take criticism…. I have developed a thick skin for it, and if someone doesn’t like it, it doesn’t really bother me. Constructive criticism is something I can’t get enough of. Be kind though. Let’s just keep in mind that what is uploaded so far is a rough draft. LOL
I now have two different versions of Caramelldansen on my mp3 player. The original Swedish version and the English version. Sadly I know the Swedish version better than the English, only because it was the first version I listened to so. I don’t know why I just love this song…. It is a song that gets me to shake off whatever is bothering me and just be a little crazy. LOL
Okay so you know how you have those stupid funny moments…. Well tonight I had one. My cousin was blathering about how these two guys came up to her in the hallway and asked if she was going out with anyone… (she’s 13, and I was like c’mon you’ve told me twice already…. )and how they asked why the guy she was with was able to get her…. and one of the guys was named Kolby, and in my stupor of boredom I decided to tease her by saying, wow he must have a lot of cheese… unable to grasp that I had been talking about a type of cheese called colby, she looked confused. So I tried to explain by saying, you know, colby cheese. She then turned and asked “who’s that?” ha ha. XD There are days that I wonder how I can be related to her….lol.
So I have been busy the past three or four days…actually I have been busy all last week, and I felt like everything was going so fast and I was just wading in a boggy marsh. We had an excellent revival, it started on Sunday and went until Wednesday. It was great.
I helped out the day before Halloween at a kids’ fest that our church was putting on and that went well, I ended up painting faces. Which was so much fun. I love to paint faces. the funny thing was that my youngest brother wanted me to paint his face like Heath Ledger’s version of the Joker, from Dark Knight. It turned out pretty well, What do you think?
"Joker" lol
He so wouldn’t smile though. I guess that is just his way to get on my nerves… LOL
So on Halloween, I went to help some of the guys in our church who are planning to go to Mexico on a mission’s trip to help build a church. So we went to the Coliseum to help run a booth for the Goodyear family night thing. We had to help give out candy in the trick or treat line. There were so many cute costumes and some were a little weird, but the was a lil guy maybe three or four years old and he was dressed up as Micheal Jackson, an old school a umpaloompa from Willy Wanka and the chocolate factory and a lil girl dressed up as Rainbow Bright tied for my favorites! (^-^) There was a sea of ninjas, handy Mannies, Toy Story characters all over the place, and too many Optimus Primes to count. I saw my own little munchkin boy (my friend’s son) in his sock monkey costume. I was so happy to see him! I went with my friend to eat lunch at one of the many local Chinese food restaurants in town. Nothing could bum my mood!
UNTIL…….
Yes, you knew it was coming huh? LOL yeah, so the youth pastor of our church brought up the marriage /dating subject out of the blue! I was shocked. Grant it, it does bother me at times that I am still single. However I just chalk it up to not being time for me and the right guy to have found each other. But this was ridiculous… He brought it up at youth convention, also out of the blue. Like I was so concerned with finding that person…. My heart is currently in a box labeled fragile. It just bugs me that he would bring it up when I was enjoying the moment and afterward it left me wondering and in a really bummed mood. I don’t think I wear my heart on my sleeve, but two or three times he has done this… What right does he have to but into my personal business like that? lol I know he was probably meaning it to boost my morale but it had opposite effects. So my thought on the matter, unless God says its time, I am not ready to be with someone.
Thorns
The beauty of the thorns,
Was the single drop of blood
That was shed,
To save the whole world
From the greatness of sin.
Listening to : Hosanna By: Hillsong;
I found this version of the ABC’s of Salvation on our church’s website. It is great that so many churches now have this readily available for people to use. Its not enough to be a good person or to do good deeds. You can’t work your way into heaven. God wants someone to come to him with no strings attached. Works are supposed to come from a heart of worship and love towards God, a heart that shares a love for others, and wants to do what Jesus himself would do. They aren’t to be done out of the fear that you won’t have a place in Heaven, He will use it, but he doesn’t want that to be your reason in doing those works. God loves us. He loves me and you, and everyone. It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past, He wants to bring us closer to Him because of his unconditional love for us. God has been with me in the path that I have been walking. It hasn’t been easy, I lost my mom, five years have passed since she died. After that my dad filled with grief, hurt me once again by telling me that we, my brother and I, could stay at our home, or live with our grandparents, but he was taking our youngest brother to live with him and is new wife, because jo was his son. I felt abandoned. “What does that make me? I am your daughter or have you forgotten?” I thought these things constantly. God was there though. I have battled depression, thoughts of suicide, heartache, loneliness, anger, and many other feelings. Battles that seemed lost to me, But God was there. He reassures me everyday. He says, if nothing else you are MY beloved, MY daughter, and I LOVE YOU. God cherishes me, us. He will be there no matter what is going on, you just have to call on Him. He fights the battles that I can’t, the battles I can only win when I am on my knees in prayer. Basically He Is My Savior and Lord. The Warrior of My Heart. He is so much more than that. No one will take his place.
ABCs of Salvation
To know God and be ready for heaven, follow these steps:
A. Admit you are a sinner.
“There is no one righteous, not even one…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:10,23
ASK GOD’S FORGIVENESS AND REPENT OF YOUR SINS.
“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13
B. Believe in Jesus.
(put your trust in Him) as your only hope of salvation. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have etenal life.” John 3:16
BECOME A CHILD OF GOD.
“To all who receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
C. Confess that Jesus is your Lord.
“If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9
If you would like someone to pray with you concerning your decision to follow Jesus Christ, please call us at 1-580-353-0420 or 1-800-4PRAYER.
So I was just on my facebook and commented on a friend’s vote that he did. It was a little bit of my wicked humor going on in the comment and someone took offense and so I had to be on the defensive when he stated that I didn’t know what I was talking about and needed to continue drinking the Kool-aid and everything would be over shortly. I suppose that it was wrong of me to get back at him, but he took my joking comment as a threat. So I had to set him straight. After another comment, in a round about way he apologized and I did also afterward.
My friend Joe says that I kick the proverbial puppy a lot.
But it got me thinking that I really analyze things in a debate that people have and only comment afterward. I guess that is just how I am I will read people and then go from there, but after all that I have been through I read too much into some people and not enough in others… everyone does that though. It may just be a smart thing to weigh how people act and react before forming any type of relationship, but some people don’t act the same way when the setting changes and they are in a more comfortable atmosphere.
At any rate I believe that my defensive mode will keep the guy from getting hasty in his attacks, at least he said that he’ll keep his comments to himself. which it would be a good thing. However I begin to wonder if my attack had the opposite effect. Will he be waiting for more comments from me? *Shiver* LOL Could it be that he is an M??? Let’s hope not. I only hope that now my friend doesn’t misread my comment to be a bash. Only time will tell.
On another note….
I think that my heart likes to play games with me. This friend, I met him through one of my friends a long time ago. I had a thing for him for so long. It was an unrequited love, that or the guy was to dense to even notice. My friend, (A), that introduced us suspected that I had a thing for this friend we’ll call D. A asked me if I was crushing on someone, and I said yeah. So A, sounding desperate stated, ” Please don’t tell me that it is D!” So I lied, I didn’t want to hurt A’s feelings, for some reason he couldn’t see us getting together, and began bad mouthing his friend when I asked why. (A and I are related so it wasn’t the “I like you, don’t fall for my friend” thing. ) So every time D was with a different girl I would forget about him, especially when it came to this one girl. So not seeing D or A for a long time, I made friends with a guy “C” and C was the worst guy ever, but I only planned on being friends and that is how it was. D found out that I was talking to C and the situation surrounding that and told me to be careful. So much for keeping D out of my heart. I felt that I wasn’t just A’s cousin to him, I was friends with him. It was like he cared even just a little bit.
So confession time: I was so totally crazy over D. In spite of all the things A said about him and all the things I knew about him.
And every now and then my heart starts to heal again and I remember D and how it is never going to work out now and that little piece of my heart stays chipped. I remember how he was right about C and that I needed to be careful. I remember now, and I try not to talk about him because, people ask Who is this D guy, and I am soon overtaken by the one single question that always follows, “does D know you like him?” Even now it shows, that my heart hasn’t totally given up on D.
I will forget him though when the guy that I am supposed to be with finds me and I find him.
Until then I am nursing a chipped piece of my heart for you D.