~*Loving me*~

I imagine I am the worst,

I am always spacing out,

I hear that song and think of you.

I want to get you out of my head.

But you have hurt me so bad.

I grow tired of being here,

Living with the memories of you.

The same old friends look down on me,

Because you lied to them,

You lied to me.

I’ve got to get out of here!

And yet, I still have the letters,

I saved them.

I imagine when I am older,

And have left the memories of you,

In the heart-shaped box

I hid in the attic;

With the wilting promises of yesterday long gone,

I will share our story.

Warning my daughter, or granddaughter

Never to fall for your kind,

Liars, deceivers, all and the betrayal that follows.

Of how I opened my heart for the first time in my life,

And how you ruined my memories,

Filling me with the fear

Of ever letting anyone else in for years.

Until I was miraculously saved,

By the one I can finally call my own.

I imagine I am the worst

When trying to forget

Your lie of loving me.

~*When I thought I loved you*~

When I thought I loved you

You were the only one

I could talk about

The only one I dreamt about

The only one I looked for

When I thought I loved you

You were the only thing on my mind

I would fall into a daze

Only to see your face

When I thought I loved you

I turned down many

Only to be left feeling empty

Now I realize

It wasn’t your eyes

It wasn’t your smile

It was only a mistake

Now I am glad

I never told you

How I felt about you

When I thought I loved you.

~* When I Fall: Part 2*~

The day is gone,

The time has come,

To lead me home.

You follow me

My every move,

Your eyes they are so blue.

The orange door has closed

Now I am looking up.

The force of my feelings swirling around me.

They try to pull me away.

I run and you are there.

In the balcony, everywhere.

You smile, your eyes shining.

Loving words never spoken to me before.

Speak to me again.

Say those words that ring

Endlessly in my head.

Your gloved hand and blue eyes.

What is truth,

And what are lies,

I do not care,

As long as you are there.

As long as you are mine.

~*When I Fall: Part 1*~

The day has come

The time has gone

We haven’t talked

And now I’m alone.

I wish you would

Wake me from this nightmare

That I am walking through.

I long to be held in your arms tonight.

Wake me from this terrible sleep that I am under.

You bring my heart sunshine,

Every time you smile.

You made me laugh

When I was in the depths of sorrow,

And then you were gone.

Please come back to me,

And wake me from the nightmare

I am falling through.

Give me your gloved hand.

Lead me through the orange door.

Your blue eyes speak more than

What simple words can say.

Catch me as I fall,

With your love, that is all.

~*The Betrayed: Part 2: Angel of My Mind*~

You heard me cry out in the darkness,

Through the darkness I could see your hand.

You pulled me from the fire

That had overtaken me

You held me close,

I knew you would not let me go.

You brightened my life

From the moment you saved me from myself.

As we walked away from the havoc, I would not let you go.

You shielded me from the blast,

And I hid my eyes from the terror.

I didn’t know what I did

To deserve the pain and confusion around me.

You pulled me away for a moment,

To brush the hair from my face.

You smiled and told me everything would be alright.

I wanted to believe with everything in me.

I looked into your smiling face,

For only a second, and I knew it would be okay.

You were there to comfort and protect me.

You knew I needed it, and you came willingly.

You kissed my forehead and wrapped me in your arms.

I clung to you as if you were life itself.

When I looked again, you were gone.

I realized then that you were just a dream.

I was in my room once again,

Your compassionate eyes were gone.

All that was left was the room and the darkness.

I knew that I had the dream of you again.

I didn’t know when I would truly see you,

you could be the next stranger that walks by.

I knew that you were an angel in my dreams,

But it was only a dream,

and you were only an angel of my mind.

Jan. 9, 2007

Alisa F.

~*The Betrayed: Part 1*~

I descended the stairs,

He was there,

His rough exterior clearly showing.

I gave him the same look.

He told me later, that

I had him from the moment I walked down the stairs.

I was flattered, he saw.

I tried to stay clear of him before,

But he overcame the walls

That I had built up around me.

I decided to be a friend,

He wanted more.

I didn’t need him, I had too much

Of life’s pain already.

He wanted to talk to me.

I would not be given away,

I was already bought by someone

I had pledged my heart to long ago.

I was waiting for Him.

I told him that.

He didn’t mind,

He continued to play mind games with me.

My heart would not be swayed.

Then, he was gone.

Not to be heard from for a time.

I had to ask, but only received hate.

I don’t know why.

I had not gone beyond a friend.

I waited, finally word came.

But it was a lie, fed from him to me and back to them.

He made us turn our backs on one another,

My heart was deceived more than once,

My life fell apart.

My true friends had turned against me.

He laughed.

It was his ploy to break us down.

To use us against one another.

He said I was in his dreams,

He lied, I knew it.

But still he used it.

Now in the aftermath,

I sit alone in my darkened room.

Waiting for the one I pledged my heart to long ago,

To open the windows of my darkened heart,

And make me feel alive again.

I wait alone for him.

Jan. 9, 2007

Alisa F.

~*Failure*~

You tried but you failed.

You tried to know me

You tried to make me smile

You tried and then you failed.

You said you wanted to be friends

Friends are all so nice

You tried to trick me many times

And still haven’t picked up the dice

You told me you loved me

You realize I know its just a lie

You tried to be sweet and kind

You tried to get inside my mind

You thought that you had me by the heart,

But you failed

You tried to take me by the heart

And yet it was in vain

You thought you knew my favorite spot

And yet you cannot in their presence say my name

You thought you had me

But you failed

Because my heart is not fair game.

~*Tears on a Wintery Moonlight*~

Whispers in the darkness

Tears upon my cheek

Silence in the moonlight

But I can barely sleep

Cradled in the moonlight

Tears fall on my hand

My heart twists and turns

When I think of that man

Heartbeats quicken

Tears slowly fall

I lost my love

I lost it all

Whispers fill the darkness

Tears fall slowly down

I look into the moonlight

Reflecting my own frown

Tears continue falling

My heart begins to slow

I look outside my window

At the falling snow

No birds begin to chirp

No dog begins to bark

The wonderland is silent

As it slips into the dark

The moonlight lights the hills

The trees grow ever still

The shadows creep along

Drawing me into their sad song

No candle to light my path

No journey for me to take

I lost my love forever

Now my heart is at stake.

Whispers in the darkness

Tears are falling down

My shattered heart beats slowly

No one can save me now.